From Switzerland, With Love

(Originally published: 05/06/16)

Christophe was his real name and, today, for the very first time, I won’t use a fake name to refer to the person that I’ll be talking about, because of the fact that he’s been one of the most important people who have touched my life. Christophe Guex is, without a doubt, one of my favorite people in the world.

Call me ridiculous, exaggerated or silly, but crying is not enough to express the sadness that I’ve been feeling in the past 32 hours and, since writing is also a therapy to me, I decided to express, vent and tell our story and how wonderful it was to meet Christophe during the last stage of his life.

I met him one summer. I had been living in Mexico City for about a month, it was July 2013 and I still felt like a total alien in the capital. I had just opened an account on a dating website because I really wanted to meet guys, make friends or find a possible boyfriend, since I was alone in the city. It was there where we two met.

Apparently we had captivated each other’s attention and soon we began chatting. Hours later, we found ourselves about to start a video call on Skype and that was the first time I saw him. I cannot express with precise words what he transmitted to me from the moment I saw him, it was almost as if I already knew him from somewhere else, as if after such a long time I was being reunited with someone who was very special to me. The feeling that Christophe gave me from day one, I know it as peace.

He was very smiley and his radiant blue eyes inspired happiness. His Spanish was perfect, combined with a cute little French accent, because he was originally from Laussane, a city in the French-speaking region of Switzerland. Christophe was an architect (among many other equally exciting things) who dedicated his time to manage his business and travel around the world enjoying of each moment and the many opportunities that life gave him. During that video call, he told me that he would travel to Mexico City in seven days and that he wanted to meet me. And how could I resist? He was gorgeous!

The very anticipated day arrived, and we met in the Historic Center on a classic rainy afternoon, very common for the summer. I was wearing a black jacket and had an umbrella in hand. We had mistaken the meeting point: he was waiting for me at the Palacio de Bellas Artes, while I was on the other side of the city center, by the Metropolitan Cathedral. From then on, we were already laughing over the phone by our mistake. It was then that, after walking five blocks, we found each other halfway on Juarez Avenue. Christophe was wearing denim shorts with a black wind breaker and he immediately hugged me with a warmness that I’ve been unable to feel again from anyone else. We had an amazing day talking for hours, exploring the city center and we ended up having dinner at «El Gis», my favorite place to eat tacos al pastor in Colonia Juarez, where I made him a little drawing to welcome him to the city.

Among Zona Rosa’s hustle and the different stories that intersect and intertwine on its streets, our night ended with laughter, hot sauce, and a sensation of warmness that reminded me of being home. I didn’t feel like an alien in the city anymore.

Our first week together was all about exploring the city, from Coyoacan to Santa Fe. As I was getting to know him, I began to realize that Christophe was a man who really enjoyed of being alive, I mean we all do, but he savored it. His magnetic energy was all over the place and if he wanted to start dancing on the sidewalks of Masaryk Avenue (even if I got all blushed asking him to stop) he did it. He didn’t care about what people could think or say, he was simply living life free of prejudice and shame.

And while I was struggling trying to make it in the city, dealing with fake agencies or pointless castings, he always knew how to get in my head, and make me understand that he believed in me and in everything that I wanted to do. He would say to me: "If it’s not here, it will be there… but it will be". After several nights talking about our lives, our families and our yearnings, Christophe now knew the deepest layers of my being.

Days went by unnoticed and, suddenly, being together had become the new normal. Morning, noon and night, even if we had to be separated for a few hours, everyday we spent it together. From day one, romance had emerged between us, but beyond that we were friends and accomplices of our outings, jokes and adventures. I remember how he would stare at me in such a deep way as if he could get through my skin and see beyond my bones, saying: "You’re beautiful, Edua". Being next to him, and sleeping surrounded by his arms, are sensations that I never want to forget. His caresses, his kisses, his hand grabbing mine as we walked around the city, his breathing, his sighs after each kiss, his warmness… all of that made me fall in love with him that summer.

Later that summer, we decided to take a trip through the Riviera Maya. Those were seven days that we were together 24/7 and, to be honest, I can’t stand anyone for 24 hours straight, seven days in a row, and I don’t think anyone can stand me! Haha! But Christophe and I weren't even thinking about the hours or the days… we were simply together, and we loved it. We rented a car and, after heading from Cancun to Tulum, we decided to venture ourselves to Merida and Chichen Itza, across a colorful motorway surrounded by trees and yellow butterflies that were flying around us… that is, for sure, one of the most beautiful photographic memories that I keep in my heart. Being next to him in that motorway, lying on his shoulder with dozens of butterflies flying around us, seemed like the ending of a great film, specially when he said: "You know? They say that if a couple goes on a journey, don’t fight, and resolve any inconvenience as a team, it means that they’re meant for each other". And I think we were. He insisted that I should continue pursuing my dreams and that if people didn't appreciate my talents in Mexico, they would in Europe. He made me feel alive, and he gave me a sense that even after that trip, he wanted us to continue growing our relationship. It really was a magical summer.

When we went back to Mexico City, his time in my country had ended. He had to go back to Switzerland to continue with several projects of his real estate business, but that didn’t mean a goodbye. As I mentioned before, Christophe traveled quite a lot around the world, he could be in Barcelona one day, and swimming in Rio de Janeiro the next. We would meet again.

There was no crying, I didn’t cry, he didn’t cry. We were very happy for what we had shared that summer, he filled me with energy and positive thoughts telling me that I should never give up on my dreams and that he believed in me. I hugged him, not too tightly, but with all my love, since I was sure that we would see each other again very soon. Little did I know, that was the last time I would ever see him.

Christophe never returned to Mexico and I never got to have his arms around me again while on my sleep. Life got in the way, projects kept him working in Switzerland and his trips were more and more limited. Months went by, and I continued my quest for success in the city, which ended up becoming the discovery of who I truly am and what I really want in life… but our story didn’t end there.

After that summer, Christophe and I kept a healthy and caring friendship for almost three years, by phone calls, Facebook messages, and video calls. And even though time kept us apart, and we both met new people, the love that we had for each other remained untouched and unchanged, however long it had been.

If I had a terrible date, he was there to listen about it and advice me sending me voice notes. If he went on a trip, he would tell me about it, or about the boy that he met in Brasil… the result of what we built that summer was reflected on the enormous and unbreakable bond that we shared even from afar, when years started to pass one by one. He was there when I suffered of depression, and there was no day when he wouldn’t text me and ask me how I was doing.

By the time 2015 was about to end, Christophe was quite happy to know that I was now a local tv presenter and, when 2016 began, he told me that he was planning to go to my hometown during that year, from where we could go on another road trip together, this time across Texas. However, he mentioned that there were some «issues» that were keeping him from being able to travel at the time, but that as soon as he was done with those, he would be ready to travel to Mexico again.

I spoke with him for the last time in February 2016 and, oddly, our topic of that day was: what happens after we die?. Just like me, Christophe believed in the rise of vibrations of the human being, and in the fact that we come to this world to learn and, when we leave it, we are born in a different world with the knowledge and essence that we gained in our previous world, nevertheless without remembering a thing about our past life. We talked about life and death and about how there are people who are simply connected across space and time.

Weeks went by and I wouldn’t get any comments, likes or messages from him. At first I didn’t give it importance; I was busy with university, my friends, my family and the show, but around mid March I started noticing that Christophe was more than absent. «He’s probably traveling» I thought, «he must have gone to one of those retreat houses that he loves so much in Brasil, and that’s why he’s not logging onto Facebook». I left several messages hoping for an answer… but no reply. By April, I didn’t even get a message for my birthday, and that did seem very strange to me. Things were turning a bit weird. I sent him messages everywhere and I left several more in his voicemail with no answer. Suddenly Christophe’s disappearance was filling me with fear and anguish, but I would calm myself down thinking that he was traveling.

Suddenly it all went dark as, in the worst of ways, I found out what was going on. During one of my breaks recording the news show, I went to the toilet and then quickly took my phone. When I opened Facebook, the first thing that came up in my news feed was a photo of Christophe in Marrakesh that Karine, his sister, had posted on his wall. «Oh, great» I thought «I knew he was traveling», I felt better for a short moment, until my curiosity made me open the comments of the photo. Then I felt as if all the walls were collapsing over me, as if my blood pressure had gone dramatically down, and I had to immediately go on my knees in front of the toilet, as the nauseas had taken over me. I vomited and I cried heartbroken, before having to clean myself up and go back to the studio to finish the last block of the show. Christophe had died.

Once I got home, I frenetically called Karine to ask her what was going on, for her to tell me that none of that was true and that he was on a trip and that all the condolence comments were mistaken. However, with all the pain and sadness that she carried, Karine told me that she felt very sorry for me to find out in that way, and that her brother had passed two days before because of cancer.

When did this happen? How didn’t I not see it coming? Why, why, why? What is going on? I write this and I still can’t believe it, I don’t even know why I’m writing this when I can’t even believe that Christophe is no longer in this world. I simply can’t, it can’t be. How is it possible that someone as beautiful, peaceful and full of life and enthusiasm can be diagnosed with cancer and die so suddenly in only four months? He was supposed to be okay. He was supposed to come to Mexico and we would go on a road trip again. I was supposed to hug him one more time. I couldn’t say goodbye as I would’ve liked because we were sure that we would see each other again soon, and now I have no way to hug him, to touch him ever again, and to tell him a thousand words as I look into his eyes, I can’t, he’s gone and I feel broken because of it. I have cried since his sister confirmed the news, I screamed consumed in tears when she told me. Christophe was my favorite person, and now he's gone.

After passing away on the afternoon of June 1st, his departure has surprised us all. Apparently, Christophe had been hiding his diagnosis from everyone else but his sister. Karine told me that his service will take place next Monday and it breaks me to know that I won’t be able to be there, it makes me feel so impotent not being able to cross the ocean and be there for him... with him.

From the first time I ever saw his eyes on Skype, and the first time that I felt his warmness with that hug in the Historic Center, to when he made love to me giving me such an immeasurable amount of love, to when we drove across that motorway covered in butterflies, to the last time we talked, Christophe is, was, and forever will be a man who has touched my heart and my life in multiple ways, because he always wanted the best for me, he always took care of me, and he always supported my dreams.

We cannot take for granted the people we love, since we never know when it will be the last time we hug them or talk to them, we never know when it will be the last day to express them how much we love them. And even though in this post I share with you our story, I cannot end it without him.

Christophe, my friend, my lovely, I know I’m going to miss you so much, I have been unable to sleep thinking of you, if you suffered, if you were afraid. It hurts me to imagine you in a situation like that and not being able to be there for you, it’s unfair. As much as it hurts not being able to go to your service, I will always keep you in my heart. Whenever I see something about your country, you will be there, and whenever I get to travel to Europe, rest assured that you will be in my first point of interest, as I will go to visit you in your resting place to tell you about the adventures of this Bambi. I guess by now you must know what happens after, right? You’ve jumped into another level of consciousness in this mysterious and captivating universe…. I’ve missed you for months and right now this hurts so much… but you know what is the beautiful thing about all of this? That you marked the lives of so many people, we are so many the ones who love you around the world which makes me emphasize one more time the extraordinary human being you always were… the kind one, the happy-positive one. I love you so much and I promise to never give up and keep fighting with that adventurous spirit that I got from you. Thank you for all your love. I thank God for putting us on the same road… and just as we mentioned before, there are people who are always connected, which is why, Christophe, I know that I will see you again when my time comes to see everything that you’ve seen now, and we will meet just like the very first time, in the middle of the path… and you will welcome me with a smile and your warm embrace. Thank you for looking at me like no one else has. Rest in peace.

Always yours,

Edua